Today I started feeling like everyone’s life is a mess. Do you ever do that? Just start thinking about people you know and realize that just about everyone’s got something big they’re facing. And by “big” I mean potentially life-altering: relationship problems that just don’t end, debilitating depression, gender identity issues. This afternoon I started thinking about these things and about how life is more often than not pretty complicated and messy, and I told my friend, “I just want to go back to the time when everybody’s lives were happy and OK.” I can’t do that because, of course, that time doesn’t really exist. We just think it does when we’re young and we haven’t lived long enough to have enough people open up and share their secrets with us, when we don’t realize that everybody’s struggling in some way with something.

One of the fond memories: vacation with the family in the mountains.

I was thinking about that this evening when I saw a Facebook post asking people to share their fondest memories. I shut my eyes and started thinking what I’d write if I were going to share. I have to admit, it took a while to get past the obligatory days: my-kids-were-born and wedding day, but as I pondered it I realized I have an awful lot of fond memories.

• sliding (on purpose) on a patch of ice on the sidewalk in Kharkov, Ukraine only to run into Andrew at the end and knock him down
• walking everywhere around Simferopol and Kharkov with Andrew while we were dating, not feeling tired because I was just so happy to be with him
• cleaning my first apartment on a sunny Saturday afternoon in Kherson while listening to 80’s music on a little red tape player
• walking Betsy, the best dog in the world, in the cold every morning and snuggling under the covers with her at night
• sitting at the island in our kitchen as a child and talking to my mom as she cooked dinner
• lying in bed as a little girl, watching the “digital” clock dial turn every minute
• reading for hours every day during Christmas break when I was in junior high
• fighting with my sister over which direction the fan would point in high school
• making a video with my Ukrainian friends to give to the missionaries before they moved back to the US
• teaching my dad to use his iPad and staying up late making funny videos on it
• spending time with my great-grandma, my grandma, and her sisters, and listening to them as they sat outside, breaking beans and laughing together and thinking about how much alike they looked and sounded
• eating rice pudding in NYC with my friend and just being happy to be together
• Andrew making a surprise visit to see me in Simferopol, a 12-hour train ride from his home in Kharkov, while we were dating
• playing Michael Jackson music and dancing with Andrew and the kids after supper every night when the children were little
• making Christmas cookies with my grandparents and my cousins and standing still while my grandpa vacuumed the flour off our clothes
• watching Oprah and praying for her with my friends in Bible college
• putting up a tiny Christmas tree in my first apartment and accidentally getting myself twisted up in the lights
• the best vacation ever in Wisconsin Dells when I was about nine and my parents saying yes to everything we wanted to do
• teaching my kids to crochet
• some really fun parties with missionaries in Simferopol
• walking part of the Oregon Trail with my kids and Andrew
• meeting some writing goals I thought I wouldn’t meet
• going to work and seeing a surprise gift waiting at my door
• meeting my best friend (I’ll let you all think it was you–but I actually remember the moment I met a lot of you, and all of those moments were pretty great)
• my mom teaching me to write and later to type
• riding the scariest amusement park ride I’ve ever ridden with my ten-year-old and being more scared that my phone was going to fall out of my pocket than I was that I’d die in the ride
• lunch dates with my American friend in Simferopol–especially the one where she slipped on a mossy sidewalk and fell in a puddle, getting green moss all over herself
• meeting a friend to talk about writing and not talking much about writing but a lot about everything else
• eating chips and drinking Coke and talking about life with a friend on the balcony of an apartment in Kharkov
• laughing with my roommate about the stray horse in the courtyard of our apartment building in Kherson
• making the kids laugh a lot by making up lyrics to a song on the radio and mimicking the person singing it
• going to dinner with a friend and staying until they closed and then talking in the parking lot
• lying in bed, cuddled with Emma and Andrew, warm and soft and sleepy
• working half the night to do inventory with my boss and coworkers and laughing at everything
• waking up with baby Emma on one side, Andrew and Hannah on the other, and Alex on my feet and not daring to move for fear of waking them up
• lying on the picnic table at night in our back yard in Indiana when I was little, thinking about what I’d do when I grew up

Just typing all that out, just the fifteen minutes it took me to think those up, turned around how I felt. Life stinks in a lot of ways, but, man, there are some good things about it. The next time I lament giving up my alone time to be with someone else, I hope I remember how all of those things in my fondest memories list were done with other people (well, one was a dog, but maybe that sorta still counts). My friends and family make my life worth sorting out the rough parts!